saturday

If light shows through clouds then it is gray light
If my daughter will not smile then there is no light
Her weak lips and weak breath struggle under
Thick blankets, which are clouds with no thunder

I sit still, neither do I breathe nor can I move
Her stillness does not instill my will to move
Her life, and blue--now gray--eyes cause me over
Days to lose my way as she hides under these covers

Yet her tiny arm is warm, too warm is her moist brow
I walk away over nearby hill to crest this frosted brow
I pray impotent and am tied fast to my love and fear
Tied in tandem to these opposites cords that will not tear

Was it last week when I felt her climb on my neck
And I would laugh, struggle her down to kiss her neck
And then surrender to tiny fingered counter attack
As tiny conquerer clutches tightly to my back

There again in her quiet room I know my foolish
Fears are found in the other losses that I foolish
Felt that I could also apprehend and then prevent
Felt that a father could command health inclement

But I am limited to wagering my life in unsaid prayer
This has me ever trading me for she in angry prayer
This fever, this threatening heat, will I feel, subside
Smile returns to which my hope and life subscribe

Sweet slight unconscious smile curves careful lips
As unneeded mourning surrenders, light inward slips
As sad morning slowly slides-- dusk to hopeful night
Ghostly empty sleep escapes replaced by subtle weight

No great rage, no great grief will accompany today
Her tiny form and frame will dwell in recovery today
And I can again breathe, and believe health will stay
And I feel, troubled parent, will live beyond Saturday